I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize