I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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