Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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