and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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