he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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