So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
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I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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