There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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