I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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