TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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