do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
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You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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