I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We are two peas in an std pod
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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