He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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