you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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