are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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