We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize