God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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