Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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