I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
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I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
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I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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