I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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