I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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