what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
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Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
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Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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