I'm gonna have a badass scar
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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