She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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