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I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
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