My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
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yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
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You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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