also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize