It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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