She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
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what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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