But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize