I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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