i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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