dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
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Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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