I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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