I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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