I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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