Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
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halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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