So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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