That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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