I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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