The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize