hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
only you would photoshop your dick
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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