you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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