If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize