I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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