I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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