Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.

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  (313): remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck. http://tfl.nu/0g1v
  Replies (3) Good night (962) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.

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  (832): I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store. http://tfl.nu/hql1
  Replies (14) Good night (1264) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.

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  (845): I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point. http://tfl.nu/3ngc
  Replies (19) Good night (1097) Bad night (3276) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.

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  (716): i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am. http://tfl.nu/ap7z
  Replies (30) Good night (559) Bad night (4529) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"

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  (774): I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile" http://tfl.nu/3hji
  Replies (10) Good night (532) Bad night (3394) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.

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  (715): Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel. http://tfl.nu/yi2m
  Replies (15) Good night (3147) Bad night (869)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?

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  (631): Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them? http://tfl.nu/t23p
  Replies (24) Good night (577) Bad night (5495) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.

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  (623): Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth. http://tfl.nu/v51o
  Replies (17) Good night (896) Bad night (3083) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.

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  (503): Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter. http://tfl.nu/kpej
  Replies (15) Good night (5170) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"

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  (845): Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person" http://tfl.nu/45pt
  Replies (3) Good night (912) Bad night (1912) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.

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  (816): We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly. http://tfl.nu/0x8b
  Replies (6) Good night (1920) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.

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  (+61): I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7. http://tfl.nu/on6e
  Replies (10) Good night (1226) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex

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  (757): You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex http://tfl.nu/b8jn
  Replies (7) Good night (1058) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.

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  (202): We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy. http://tfl.nu/mfv7
  Replies (9) Good night (1355) Bad night (481)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.

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  (519): i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them. http://tfl.nu/zpwg
  Replies (9) Good night (947) Bad night (216) Order T-Shirt

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