Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
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It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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