remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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