I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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