im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize